Gone Forever
by iluvjellybeans
Summary: ONE SHOT SONG FIC Not that I miss him or any thing…it’s better he’s dead, gone, now. That way I don’t have to look at him and know that he doesn’t see me as more than a loud, insufferable woman who eats his food. Yeah, I feel much better here now that h


**Hello one and all. This is my very first Cowboy Bebop fanfiction. And although I am not a fan of songfics, I wrote one because this song seemed to fit how Faye would try to reason with Spike's death. All criticisms are welcome. I am unsure of how this all worked out and if i am completely satisfied with it's turn out, but please regard me kindly and a Review is most appreciated. **

** I do not in any way, shape or form own Cowboy Bebop. It's characters belong to the creator of this wonderful anime and if I did own it Spike would be alive, and there would be no reason for this FF. Also, the song lyrics are for the song Gone Forever, which this story is named after. The Artist is Three Days Grace. **

** With love, iluvjellybeans **

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"I'm not going to die. I'm going to see if I was ever alive. I have to do it, Faye," those were the last words that he ever said to me. Right before he headed out to the hangar to meet his death. I tried to shoot him. But…I couldn't shoot the man I…the man that I…I shot at him five times. Each one missed him and now he's gone forever. 

_Don't know what's going on  
Don't know what went wrong  
Feels like a hundred years I  
Still can't believe you're gone  
So I'll stay up all night  
With these bloodshot eyes  
While these walls surround me with the story of our life_

It seems like such a long time since I was on the Bebop with Jet and that stupid Lunkhead. I came back because despite trying, I still couldn't find a place I belong to besides this tin can. My room is still the same; cigarette packages scattered every where, the beta player in place. That will be the first thing to go. Without a doubt.

I'll sleep for now.

As I feel sleep coming upon me, I remember Ed, Jet, Ein, and…Spike. I remember the hunger, bounties, and just plane weirdoes we encountered. Although, I'm not one to talk since we were a group made up of a self named, half gender confused hacker, a former policeman, a genetically altered dog, a gangster with a death wish and a seventy-four year old twenty-three year old girl with no memory. Yeah we were normal for sure.

"Jet!" I holler to the old man.

"What, Faye?!" Right back at me.

"I'm going out. I won't be back out until tomorrow," besides this place is making me depressed. I keep expecting Him to be there on that couch. Not that I miss him or any thing…it's better he's dead, gone, now. That way I don't have to look at him and know that he doesn't see me as more than a loud, insufferable woman who eats his food. Yeah, I feel much better here now that he isn't.

_I feel so much better  
Now that you're gone forever  
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all  
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now  
That you're gone forever_

Ed came back. Her dad wasn't the best company.

"Faye, Faye, where be the Spike person?" damn him popping up where he doesn't belong anymore.

"Gone," my simple answer. _Forever._

_Now things are coming clear  
And I don't need you here  
And in this world around me  
I'm glad you disappeared  
So I'll stay out all night  
Get drunk and fuck and fight  
Until the morning comes I'll  
Forget about our life_

It's getting late… The man I met at the bar kisses my neck, chest, stomach. My clothes are tossed about on the floor mingled with his. How many times have I done this? Much more that once to many, yet I don't stop. It keeps me sane.

I kiss him, like I would have kissed…

Soon I can feel ecstasy coming. When it comes I cry out.

_Spike!_

What? NO. The man's name is… I don't even know what it was but it certainly was not what I called out.

"Who the hell is he?" The man asks.

"Gone, my mistake," I kiss him again so he'll shut up.

_I feel so much better  
Now that you're gone forever  
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all  
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now  
That you're gone forever_

Mmm…. That's nice a bounty caught, and money on my card. I can try to win something off the ponies. And no one will gripe about it. Jet is too nice and Ed couldn't care less. You know the longer he's dead the better I feel. Liberated, some would say. Yes that is definitely the word for it. I am free now.

_First time you screamed at me  
I should have made you leave  
I should have known it could be so much better  
I hope you're missing me  
I hope I've made you see  
That I'm gone forever_

I found a letter from Julia to him. Nothing special, no heartfelt emotions, purely business. At least as far as I can tell there is nothing meaningful in the letter. I bet that he liked getting those letters from her though. He was so god damned in love with her he ditched us when ever the chance arose. Well, good for him at least he had something he cared about. I always thought his one and only love was food. Turns out it's not so.

I wonder if he misses me. Wherever he is. He had better miss me. I'll kill him if he doesn't. Wait, someone already took care of that. Never mind.

"Jet! Did you finish repairs on my ship? And is it still ugly?" I holler from the kitchen as I throw away the letter. I already read it ten times trying to find a meaning in it. That is obsession. And I am not obsessed with a dead man.

_And now it's coming clear  
That I don't need you here  
And in this world around me  
I'm glad you disappeared_

I rake in a lot of dough all on my own. I don't need Spike to help me any more. I'm not sloppy and I don't barge into the place, all flashing guns and boobs hanging out every where. Nope, all work, thought out planned work where I go in there, get the guy by whatever means necessary, and haul his ass over to the police station to collect my reward. I still spend it all on the ponies though. My share that is, I have enough decency to give Jet the money he deserves and needs. But, still, I don't think that debt of mine will ever diminish…all my money just goes to the ponies.

"Two hundred thousand on Clover."

_I feel so much better  
Now that you're gone forever  
I tell myself that I don't miss you at all  
I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now  
That you're gone forever  
And now you're gone forever  
And now you're gone forever……_

Ah, a nice shower, manicure done by hers truly Edward Wong Pepely Tirusky IV. I have actually come to appreciate those, despite the colors she chooses. But since he's gone its like ever thing is better, so I don't mind the blue. It's become pretty or at least tolerable, I think it was that hideous leisure suit that made me hate the color any way. So, yes, definitely, life is much better without the Lunkhead.

Oh _God, _I miss him.

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**Please hit the review button. I would love to know what what you think of my little one shot. Even if you think this was a waste to read, or if you loved it (eps. If you loved it). Thanks buh-bye!**


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